Every year for six weeks starting in September, the Northern California Renaissance Faire comes to Casa de Fruta in San Benito County.
To make sure attendees have the fairest day possible, the following includes the Top 10 Ways to Prepare for the Renaissance Faire:
Grow thy hair: If you’re a man, grow your beard and any sort of ponytail possible (bald on top preferred). If you’re a woman, avoid shaving armpits for several weeks.
Down thy fiber, nutrients: Apparently people of the Renaissance era (14th century to 17th century) enjoyed their fried foods, as we modern Americans do with our KFC and Hungry Man TV dinners. Don’t plan to load up on those Weight Watcher points at the faire, so you’ll want to eat a normal meal before and after.
Visit thee local thrift shop: Hollister has an array of thrift shops where fantasy types can peruse potential fashion finds.
Browse thy Amazon: An Amazon search for “Renaissance Costume” (sorry to any people who believe they actually live in the Renaissance era) turned up nearly 8,500 results.
Gander through thou Home Depot: Every man needs a sword, or some sort of tool you can probably find at a present day hardware store. Or there’s always Amazon again, of course. And yes, they sell swords.
Master the dialect: The final step in truly taking part in the Renaissance experience (after the costume and willingness to get more than tipsy before lunch) is a mediocre grasp of the dialect and accents.
Sunscreen for a queen: The beautiful Casa de Fruta is out in the open. A sunny day will wipe out any great, gilded warrior.
Stop for greenbacks: You’ll want plenty of dough because prices of puffy shirts and ale from the 15th century can add up. And the Renaissance era ATMs are a rip-off.
Quench thirst with spiritless libations: Make sure you’re hydrated. You don’t want to be the person who’s actually tipsy before noon.
Get beauty sleep: It’s a long day for any committed Renaissance Faire-goer, but a turkey leg before passing out makes it well worth the experience every time.
– Kollin Kosmicki